Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
the view from the hammock
This is what I did yesterday after I finished working on the coop. Well, that and goofing off online, while my kids played video games.But this hammock is new to us, and it's AWESOME! We bought it at the art-fest the other weekend from this couple, who do a good job of extolling the virtues of "suspension therapy."
Whatever you call it, it's very nice.
Friday, June 26, 2009
the Chickens are IN the Coop!
It's not Caribbean Blue anymore, but I'll use some for trim, probably. Don't you think the buff color is much more pleasing to the eye?
Don't think she approves of being behind wire.... Do you like my dandelions? ;)
*sigh* I thought it would never get done.
And, technically, it's not. The run is not attached, but the coop is secure enough for them to sleep in, so OUT of the cardboard box in the shed for them! Woo Hoo!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Garden's first harvest!
I know there are folks who can harvest all year long, with planting things at the right time and using "season extenders," but I'm not one.
We cut some rhubarb today and made a strawberry, rhubarb and apple cobbler. The color is this picture is true, no artificial coloring added! It is delish. And I'll probably have it for breakfast.
We cut some rhubarb today and made a strawberry, rhubarb and apple cobbler. The color is this picture is true, no artificial coloring added! It is delish. And I'll probably have it for breakfast.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Key Two: See the Needs Behind Every Action, part 1
This concept, to me, is what sets NVC apart from ordinary parenting and communication strategies, and it basically comes down to trust.
Do you know anyone who accuses tantrutming toddlers of "manipulating" their parents to get their way? I think it's a little creepy that we can assign such a grown-up, sinister behavior to such a small, innocent person.
I decided (learned?) early on in my parenting life that very little people always have sincere intentions, and that grown up people usually do, too. We act the only way we know how to get our needs met. Needs can vary from companionship, learning how to deal with boredom or deep hurt, unrealized hunger, thirst or fatigue, or help solving a problem.
Coming to see others' behavior as simply a plea for help can be a challenge, especially when you're dealing with someone who does not communicate well (toddlers or teenagers, ha ha), or who has not learned to communicate clearly. But I *trust* that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need."
So let's address "the brat." When someone is acting "bratty," are they just acting that way to irritate others? In some cases, they may, out of habit. But I'm sure there's a genuine need under there somewhere. Coming to recognize that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need" is the beginning of understanding why people act the way they do, and when necessary, helping them learn more appropriate and effective ways to have their needs met.
Which brings us to Key 2.
Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action
• all behavior is an attempt to meet a need
• children are always doing their best to meet their needs
• you are responsible for meeting your own needs
• feelings are messengers of met and unmet needs
• children want to be heard and understood
Key 2, part two is coming....
Do you know anyone who accuses tantrutming toddlers of "manipulating" their parents to get their way? I think it's a little creepy that we can assign such a grown-up, sinister behavior to such a small, innocent person.
I decided (learned?) early on in my parenting life that very little people always have sincere intentions, and that grown up people usually do, too. We act the only way we know how to get our needs met. Needs can vary from companionship, learning how to deal with boredom or deep hurt, unrealized hunger, thirst or fatigue, or help solving a problem.
Coming to see others' behavior as simply a plea for help can be a challenge, especially when you're dealing with someone who does not communicate well (toddlers or teenagers, ha ha), or who has not learned to communicate clearly. But I *trust* that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need."
So let's address "the brat." When someone is acting "bratty," are they just acting that way to irritate others? In some cases, they may, out of habit. But I'm sure there's a genuine need under there somewhere. Coming to recognize that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need" is the beginning of understanding why people act the way they do, and when necessary, helping them learn more appropriate and effective ways to have their needs met.
Which brings us to Key 2.
Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action
• all behavior is an attempt to meet a need
• children are always doing their best to meet their needs
• you are responsible for meeting your own needs
• feelings are messengers of met and unmet needs
• children want to be heard and understood
Key 2, part two is coming....
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Key One: Parent with Purpose
So, back to the Seven Keys of Respectful Parenting.
Key 1: Parent with Purpose
• choose your purpose
• choose to think in alignment with your purpose
• choose to act in alignment with our purpose
• choose to listen and talk in alignment with your purpose
• choose to encourage your kids’ choices
Seems to me to be a lot of choosing and thinking. Which means that flying off the handle is probably not going to fit in with my "purpose." * he he* As well as giving into impatience.
Off-hand, I'd have to say that my purpose is to raise kids who can make good choices, and want to make good choices, including having a family,being kind to others, and staying close to God.
So, thinking in alignment with that purpose means that I keep these ideas near the front of my mind as I interact with and think about my kids.
Acting in alignment with that purpose means that I not violate the very standards I want for them, to the best I can, and apologize when necessary, because I'm a real human being.
Listening and talking in alignment with that purpose (like everything else) has many layers. Firstly, it reflects the work already done in thinking and acting. But, you know what, that's already a lot of work! Now I have to make sure I *listen* and *speak* "in alignment?"
It takes time, work, experiences good and bad, but it is possible to bend those ever-binding life-long habits of communication that we all carry with us. They were learned after all, weren't they?
In my experience, after I've already made efforts to be mindful of purpose and think, act, listen and speak according to it, it is actually easiest to encourage my kids' choices. Especially since nurturing and respecting their ability to choose is part of my purpose!
Forgive the rambling nature of my thoughts. I'm just going to plow through them, because if I spend any time at all trying to polish my thoughts, they will never get posted!
Next, Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action.
Key 1: Parent with Purpose
• choose your purpose
• choose to think in alignment with your purpose
• choose to act in alignment with our purpose
• choose to listen and talk in alignment with your purpose
• choose to encourage your kids’ choices
Seems to me to be a lot of choosing and thinking. Which means that flying off the handle is probably not going to fit in with my "purpose." * he he* As well as giving into impatience.
Off-hand, I'd have to say that my purpose is to raise kids who can make good choices, and want to make good choices, including having a family,being kind to others, and staying close to God.
So, thinking in alignment with that purpose means that I keep these ideas near the front of my mind as I interact with and think about my kids.
Acting in alignment with that purpose means that I not violate the very standards I want for them, to the best I can, and apologize when necessary, because I'm a real human being.
Listening and talking in alignment with that purpose (like everything else) has many layers. Firstly, it reflects the work already done in thinking and acting. But, you know what, that's already a lot of work! Now I have to make sure I *listen* and *speak* "in alignment?"
It takes time, work, experiences good and bad, but it is possible to bend those ever-binding life-long habits of communication that we all carry with us. They were learned after all, weren't they?
In my experience, after I've already made efforts to be mindful of purpose and think, act, listen and speak according to it, it is actually easiest to encourage my kids' choices. Especially since nurturing and respecting their ability to choose is part of my purpose!
Forgive the rambling nature of my thoughts. I'm just going to plow through them, because if I spend any time at all trying to polish my thoughts, they will never get posted!
Next, Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Seven Keys of Co-Operation
The best book I've read about NVC is Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids, by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson. I loved it not only because it spelled out NVC, but put it into practical application in a family setting. The Seven Keys of Co-Operation, according to Hart and Hodson, are:
Key 1: Parent with Purpose
Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action
Key 3: Create Safety, Trust, and Belonging
Key 4: Inspire Giving
Key 5: Use a Language of Respect
Key 6: Learn Together As You Go
Key 7: Make Your Home a No-Fault Zone
I'd like to talk about these more, one at a time. But right off the bat, any of these stand out to you as things you already do, things you value, things you wish went on in your home?
Key 1: Parent with Purpose
Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action
Key 3: Create Safety, Trust, and Belonging
Key 4: Inspire Giving
Key 5: Use a Language of Respect
Key 6: Learn Together As You Go
Key 7: Make Your Home a No-Fault Zone
I'd like to talk about these more, one at a time. But right off the bat, any of these stand out to you as things you already do, things you value, things you wish went on in your home?
Growing Naturally
With this little one, I have the maturity to just sit and follow her lead when we play. There's no right or wrong way to play anything. Really, at all. It's so relaxing and liberating to finally have realized that.
I've learned to relax because of many different experiences, and books read ;), but a major factor in this philosophy was the training I had at Early Head Start the summer I temped as a Home Visitor. Not only was I supposed to let the child lead the play, I was supposed to teach the parent to let the child lead the play: 2 levels of detachment to show how important it is to let children lead their own play.
Last night Firecracker and I played with the crayon bag (a gallon ziploc full of a couple hundred crayons!!), peeled wrappers off and practiced drawing with the sides of crayons. And lined them up all pretty. She had a fun time, and I was happy to have a somewhat more relaxed child after. Kids get keyed up when they are hurried and not in charge of their lives. When we give them the power to choose what to do, in appropriate times and amounts, they are so much happier!
I've learned to relax because of many different experiences, and books read ;), but a major factor in this philosophy was the training I had at Early Head Start the summer I temped as a Home Visitor. Not only was I supposed to let the child lead the play, I was supposed to teach the parent to let the child lead the play: 2 levels of detachment to show how important it is to let children lead their own play.
Last night Firecracker and I played with the crayon bag (a gallon ziploc full of a couple hundred crayons!!), peeled wrappers off and practiced drawing with the sides of crayons. And lined them up all pretty. She had a fun time, and I was happy to have a somewhat more relaxed child after. Kids get keyed up when they are hurried and not in charge of their lives. When we give them the power to choose what to do, in appropriate times and amounts, they are so much happier!
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