Dreamy Monday

The Little Mermaid
Edmund Dulac

the view from the hammock

This is what I did yesterday after I finished working on the coop. Well, that and goofing off online, while my kids played video games.

But this hammock is new to us, and it's AWESOME! We bought it at the art-fest the other weekend from this couple, who do a good job of extolling the virtues of "suspension therapy."

Whatever you call it, it's very nice.

the Chickens are IN the Coop!

It's not Caribbean Blue anymore, but I'll use some for trim, probably. Don't you think the buff color is much more pleasing to the eye?
Don't think she approves of being behind wire.... Do you like my dandelions? ;)

*sigh* I thought it would never get done.

And, technically, it's not. The run is not attached, but the coop is secure enough for them to sleep in, so OUT of the cardboard box in the shed for them! Woo Hoo!

Garden's first harvest!

I know there are folks who can harvest all year long, with planting things at the right time and using "season extenders," but I'm not one.

We cut some rhubarb today and made a strawberry, rhubarb and apple cobbler. The color is this picture is true, no artificial coloring added! It is delish. And I'll probably have it for breakfast.

Key Two: See the Needs Behind Every Action, part 1

This concept, to me, is what sets NVC apart from ordinary parenting and communication strategies, and it basically comes down to trust.

Do you know anyone who accuses tantrutming toddlers of "manipulating" their parents to get their way? I think it's a little creepy that we can assign such a grown-up, sinister behavior to such a small, innocent person.

I decided (learned?) early on in my parenting life that very little people always have sincere intentions, and that grown up people usually do, too. We act the only way we know how to get our needs met. Needs can vary from companionship, learning how to deal with boredom or deep hurt, unrealized hunger, thirst or fatigue, or help solving a problem.

Coming to see others' behavior as simply a plea for help can be a challenge, especially when you're dealing with someone who does not communicate well (toddlers or teenagers, ha ha), or who has not learned to communicate clearly. But I *trust* that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need."

So let's address "the brat." When someone is acting "bratty," are they just acting that way to irritate others? In some cases, they may, out of habit. But I'm sure there's a genuine need under there somewhere. Coming to recognize that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need" is the beginning of understanding why people act the way they do, and when necessary, helping them learn more appropriate and effective ways to have their needs met.

Which brings us to Key 2.

Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action
• all behavior is an attempt to meet a need
• children are always doing their best to meet their needs
• you are responsible for meeting your own needs
• feelings are messengers of met and unmet needs
• children want to be heard and understood

Key 2, part two is coming....

Key One: Parent with Purpose

So, back to the Seven Keys of Respectful Parenting.

Key 1: Parent with Purpose
• choose your purpose
• choose to think in alignment with your purpose
• choose to act in alignment with our purpose
• choose to listen and talk in alignment with your purpose
• choose to encourage your kids’ choices

Seems to me to be a lot of choosing and thinking. Which means that flying off the handle is probably not going to fit in with my "purpose." * he he* As well as giving into impatience.

Off-hand, I'd have to say that my purpose is to raise kids who can make good choices, and want to make good choices, including having a family,being kind to others, and staying close to God.

So, thinking in alignment with that purpose means that I keep these ideas near the front of my mind as I interact with and think about my kids.

Acting in alignment with that purpose means that I not violate the very standards I want for them, to the best I can, and apologize when necessary, because I'm a real human being.

Listening and talking in alignment with that purpose (like everything else) has many layers. Firstly, it reflects the work already done in thinking and acting. But, you know what, that's already a lot of work! Now I have to make sure I *listen* and *speak* "in alignment?"


It takes time, work, experiences good and bad, but it is possible to bend those ever-binding life-long habits of communication that we all carry with us. They were learned after all, weren't they?

In my experience, after I've already made efforts to be mindful of purpose and think, act, listen and speak according to it, it is actually easiest to encourage my kids' choices. Especially since nurturing and respecting their ability to choose is part of my purpose!

Forgive the rambling nature of my thoughts. I'm just going to plow through them, because if I spend any time at all trying to polish my thoughts, they will never get posted!

Next, Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action.

I found a new favorite band

The Avett Brothers rock.

Dreamy Monday

Edmund Dulac
The Firebird

The flowers in this one remind me of Klimt, who I adore....

Seven Keys of Co-Operation

The best book I've read about NVC is Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids, by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson. I loved it not only because it spelled out NVC, but put it into practical application in a family setting. The Seven Keys of Co-Operation, according to Hart and Hodson, are:

Key 1: Parent with Purpose
Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action
Key 3: Create Safety, Trust, and Belonging
Key 4: Inspire Giving
Key 5: Use a Language of Respect
Key 6: Learn Together As You Go
Key 7: Make Your Home a No-Fault Zone

I'd like to talk about these more, one at a time. But right off the bat, any of these stand out to you as things you already do, things you value, things you wish went on in your home?

Growing Naturally

With this little one, I have the maturity to just sit and follow her lead when we play. There's no right or wrong way to play anything. Really, at all. It's so relaxing and liberating to finally have realized that.

I've learned to relax because of many different experiences, and books read ;), but a major factor in this philosophy was the training I had at Early Head Start the summer I temped as a Home Visitor. Not only was I supposed to let the child lead the play, I was supposed to teach the parent to let the child lead the play: 2 levels of detachment to show how important it is to let children lead their own play.

Last night Firecracker and I played with the crayon bag (a gallon ziploc full of a couple hundred crayons!!), peeled wrappers off and practiced drawing with the sides of crayons. And lined them up all pretty. She had a fun time, and I was happy to have a somewhat more relaxed child after. Kids get keyed up when they are hurried and not in charge of their lives. When we give them the power to choose what to do, in appropriate times and amounts, they are so much happier!

Chickens, blue coop and swamp thing

My sweet one month old chickens. :)

The half-built coop... which will probably always be half-built... it has rained soooo much the past month!! See the pretty Caribbean Blue? I actually got a nice gallon of buff for $5 from the paint store. It was on the "mistake shelf." Yay for me!

This front and center Barred Rock is the palest of the three. She does NOT like to be caught when it's time to go back into the box. She's our "runner."

The one in back, and the 2 in front are Ameraucanas, and they all have vastly different coloring. You really can't see in the pictures, but they have these fabulous cheek feathers.

This may or may not be my teenage son, who decided upon a mud bath the other day. Note that he's near naked under all that mud, and is sporting mud-dreads. That is, if that were actually my son.

Dreamy Monday

eek! I let a Monday pass without a dreamy picture! sorry...

Goose Girl
by Willy Planck

the chicken or the egg?...

Of course, we got our chickens from the local country store, so it's "chicken." ha ha... I need to take pics of our sweet hens. They're over a month old. The coop and run are about half built. We're winging it, and I'm afraid it shows. The coop is a little smaller than it should be, and since the old paint in the basement was older than I realized, and I planned on using it, rather than buy new paint, the coop is a very pretty Caribbean Blue.

Anyway, that's not the "chicken or the egg" question I meant to pose. As I continue to ponder NVC, I find myself wondering if "listening" or "genuine respect" come first.

What I mean is, in the quest to truly understand one another, and communicate needs and feelings, does listening engender better respect for the other person, or does having respect make it easier to listen? I'm not sure it's just one or the other; it has to be both.

I've let this post sit as a draft for over a week, and it wasn't really that hard to articulate. Re-thinking communication is inherently hard work, as it requires we come to understand who we are at our very core, how we act (when we usually just "do" without thinking), and how we would like to change. ALL THAT before even making any change....

Chicken pictures are coming, I promise!

"Friends don't let friends..."

I get these "action emails" from a website called The Center for Food Safety, and the one I got today had the most wonderful graphic.
You may not know much about GMOs. It's not just that these crops are not safe, but that the companies who produce them are completely tyrannical. Yes, I mean Monsanto is evil, all the way. The Future of Food is a terrific documentary about this. I watched it on Netflix a while back, but it's not available for instant viewing anymore. Check it out, though, if you dare!

Anyway, just thought that poster was fantastic. Wish I could post it at the library and all over town! lol

Dreamy Monday

Thus Your Fairy Is Made
Sophie Anderson

at the center...

"Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence
but also internal violence of spirit.
You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.
At the center of nonviolence stands the principle of love. "

— Martin Luther King Jr.

Heirloom Veggies "aka" my favorite book

I know my "currently-reading" list is always way long. That means, simply, that all those books are floating around the house, and I pick them up as I choose. The book I've been reading every day for a while is not even a book. It's a catalog.

Go ahead and snicker. It's not for clothes or gadgets or even books. It's for heirloom seeds.

I didn't even know what heirloom seeds were a few years ago. Once you see some of these pictures and read the descriptions, a packet of Bush Blue Lake green bean seeds is never gonna do you again.

There are myriad places to get heirloom seeds these days. I ordered from Heirloom Acres last year, because their prices agreed with me. Seed Savers deserves much credit for organizing the saving and sharing of rare heirloom seeds on a large scale for decades now. But for sheer reading pleasure, I love Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds catalog. It's simply bursting with photos and mouth-watering descriptions. What is it about good catalog descriptions that will make me crave a vegetable I don't even like!?

Let's begin with the cover.
For the last several (of the company's 10 years) the covers have been these dear paintings by the owner's mother. They sell a set of notecards.

They sell amaranth seeds. I didn't know I could grow obscure grains in my backyard! How cool is that? They offer 25 varieties of (green) beans. They're not all green, though. They have Purple Podded, Henderson's Black Valentine and Ram's Horn. Did you know carrots come in white, yellow, orange, red and purple? Potatoes also come in all those colors. Who wants to settle for orange carrots and white potatoes now? Not me.

The melons just about defy the imagination. There's snake melon:

Plum Granny:
and Prescott Fond Blanc, which is described as having a rich flavor and heavenly fragrance. I mean, have you ever thought of a melon as "rich?"
Did you know about Asian long beans, which are like green beans, but get 12" to 36" long? How about Blue Pumpkins, or Yugoslavian Finger Fruit, Strawberry Spinach or the Jaune Dickfleischige cucumber, which is yellow and gets to be 5 pounds? Watermelons called Moons and Stars, and Cream of Saskatchewan....

Phrases like "large, thorn-like projections," and "covered in attractive warts" make me rethink what makes up a beautiful garden. Also, "used by the Pilgrims," "ancient vegetable from Togo, West Africa," and "the Andes' Nectar of the Gods" absolutely make me want to have an international garden. There's also lots of the expected, like "tender when cooked," "highly productive," "tastey flesh," and "fabulous flavor."

I'm not finding very many good online images because many of these items are that rare. Also, Jere Gettle, the young-un behind this wonderful venture (he's not even 30, and started this company from his bedroom 10 years ago) is quite a photographer. And while there are many good images on his photo website, I get the impression that the bulk are saved for the catalog. The website pales significantly compared to the print catalog.

What are you waiting for? Head on over and request your own copy. You'll be carrying it around with the same fondness you once had for ... whatever your other favorite books are.

NVC Premises

Here is one of the lists that I'm going to be talking about. Found it here.

5 Premises from ‘The Compassionate Classroom’ by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson

• Premise 1: We are all natural givers.
• We each have a lot to give. We each enjoy giving.

• Premise 2: We can give and receive to meet the most needs for everyone.
• Needs are universal and identifiable.
• Our needs are independent of specific people.
• We are always trying to meet our needs.
• Feelings are helpful messengers of met and unmet needs.
• Identifying our needs is empowering.

• Premise 3: To meet our needs we become more choiceful about how we think, listen, talk and act.
• We are agents of choice.
• There are many ways to meet needs.
• We can choose how we act.
• We can choose how we think.
• We can choose how we listen.
• We can choose how we talk.

• Premise 4: We can continually learn new ways to meet needs.
• We can refine strategies to meet needs.
• We can celebrate when strategies work.
• We can learn from strategies that don’t work.
• People (including children) will have the energy and the clarity to find their own solutions and resolutions, once they have had empathy for their feelings and needs.

• Premise 5: By focusing on needs we can prevent, reduce, and resolve conflicts.
• Needs are never in conflict.
• Conflicts occur when a strategy chosen to meet a need means that some other important needs will not get met.
• For the most fun, we can find ways to meet everyone’s needs.

What is NVC?

I've been curious about NVC, or nonviolent communication, for a while now. I've found that it presents such a drastic paradigm shift that even understanding what it is, much less practicing it, has taken several years.


First of all, having the word "violent" in the name for such a peaceful lifestyle has always seemed a little jarring to me. It is also called compassionate communication, but that's also a mouthful. Isn't it telling, though, that we need such a specific term to describe a way of communicating, perceiving, feeling and being that is *peaceful*? Humans have the ability to be peaceful, but it often does not come naturally, either by nature, or by example.

Especially when we're stressed, we can be selfish, make ridiculous assumptions, and generally act like asses.

And with our most cherished loved ones, we often act in a way we would *never* treat strangers or mere acquaintances. Isn't that backwards?


So, in an attempt to better understand these things, I'm going to work them out by writing them, and expect plenty of comments! Good and bad, your honest responses would be helpful.

Dreamy Monday

Arrival of the King and Queen of the Fairies