This concept, to me, is what sets NVC apart from ordinary parenting and communication strategies, and it basically comes down to trust.
Do you know anyone who accuses tantrutming toddlers of "manipulating" their parents to get their way? I think it's a little creepy that we can assign such a grown-up, sinister behavior to such a small, innocent person.
I decided (learned?) early on in my parenting life that very little people always have sincere intentions, and that grown up people usually do, too. We act the only way we know how to get our needs met. Needs can vary from companionship, learning how to deal with boredom or deep hurt, unrealized hunger, thirst or fatigue, or help solving a problem.
Coming to see others' behavior as simply a plea for help can be a challenge, especially when you're dealing with someone who does not communicate well (toddlers or teenagers, ha ha), or who has not learned to communicate clearly. But I *trust* that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need."
So let's address "the brat." When someone is acting "bratty," are they just acting that way to irritate others? In some cases, they may, out of habit. But I'm sure there's a genuine need under there somewhere. Coming to recognize that "all behavior is an attempt to meet a need" is the beginning of understanding why people act the way they do, and when necessary, helping them learn more appropriate and effective ways to have their needs met.
Which brings us to Key 2.
Key 2: See the Needs behind Every Action
• all behavior is an attempt to meet a need
• children are always doing their best to meet their needs
• you are responsible for meeting your own needs
• feelings are messengers of met and unmet needs
• children want to be heard and understood
Key 2, part two is coming....
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