Chicken Little

Have any of you had to deal with panic and anxiety? It sucks. But one of the really frustrating things is that being constantly awash with fear, worry and terror should make one more empathetic to the feelings of others; but, ironically, being awash with fear, worry and terror makes you paralyzed and incapable of empathizing. Until you find whatever it is that helps you deal. If you ever do.

I have had many things help me over the years; in fact it's rarely one thing that does the trick.

Chicken Little.... was a chicken. Scaredy-cat, a wuss, whatever. And I've been thinking about that fable, and a modern day moral. Fear is so unproductive, so counter-productive. It's no fun, it's a downer. It taints decisions and perceptions, and it sucks the joy right out of life, even when it should be easy to be happy.

I preferred the Chicken Little story I linked to over some of the others, because Chicken Little does not get eaten by the fox; rather, the fox is chased away by the King's dogs. How nice for Chicken Little. She lives another day!

But then I got to thinking about that umbrella. She kept her sanity by virtue of carrying that umbrella, even if it wasn't raining.... Hm, still seems neurotic to me.

I have finally came to a place where not wanting to be afraid was more powerful than the actual fear itself. Fear is one thing. Fear of fear is what most anxiety is actually about. It's so abstract and subjective and never based on what's *actually* happening - that's where its power comes from. It's irrational and cannot be reasoned with, so it always thinks it wins.

I've just read parts of a book called Overcoming the Fear of Fear, by Margo Watt (et al) on googlebooks. (It's only a partial preview, meaning there are chunks of the book "missing" but it still gives a good feel for the book's message.) There's all kinds of interesting research mentioned in the beginning about "anxiety sensitivity," which, boy howdy, I have had all my life, and didn't even know it until I was in my 30's.

The ultimate goal for Chicken Little is hopefully to learn to live without the umbrella. It's nice to use the umbrella for a while (be it therapy, meds, whatever), to get out of the completely and totally miserable neurotic state of "the sky is falling, the sky is falling!!" But relying on the umbrella would get just as old. Weaning is OK. Gentle and slow is alright. But I'm shooting for leaving the umbrella on the coat rack, unless it's really going to rain.