Gentle parenting

One great thing I learned from La Leche League over the years is the idea that gentle parenting isn't just nicer, but it works better. These days there's all kinds of gentle parenting books and websites. Dr. Sears did a great thing when he coined the phrase "attachment parenting." Attachment does not lead to spoiling, as our parents' and grandparents' generations would have you believe. It leads to more secure and authentic relationships. Why do we think our kids are gonna do what we say or do if they don't trust us?

Anyway, I stumbled upon this list of respectful discipline ideas, and they really resonate with me.

Some of my current favorites:

1. Model the behavior you want. Show your child how you expect him to behave. If you want him to use please and thank you, make sure you use those words yourself. If you want him to handle his anger appropriately, make sure you are handling yours appropriately as well.
Um, I'm still working on this one, but it's a terrific commitment to make!

15. Notice your child doing things well. He needs to hear more positives than negatives, more about what he is doing right than doing wrong. "You worked on that project all morning--that's what I call perseverance." We don't have to get heavily into praise, just *notice* it, let them know what they are doing right so they can do it again.
There is a difference between noticing and praising. Some praise is nice, but just noticing is usually all we need - to be noticed.

17. Make confident statements. Show your child you are confident he can overcome a problem. "You are getting less and less afraid of bugs every day," or "You've forgotten your violin three times. Since you are a resourceful person, I know you can figure out a way to remember your violin in the future."
I've learned to do this all the time. Expressing confidence in your kids is so empowering, not only for them, but for me. Sometime, *I* need to remember that they are capable!

22. Use one word. Instead of a long lecture on neatness, just say "TOWEL!" when your child leaves his towel on the floor.
"CAT!!!" seems to come out of my mouth a lot these days...

3. Focus on solutions instead of blame. When your child spills milk, don't say, "You spilled milk!" say, "There is spilled milk. Here is a sponge to wipe it up," and let the child wipe it up. What I've seen is that kids are more than happy to make reparations if we allow them to, if we don't force them into defensiveness by blaming or shaming them.
"Here's a rag" also comes out of my mouth a lot these days. So much more effective than "You... grrrrrr!"

What do you think? Pansy parenting? ;) Does this sort of thing come naturally to you, or do you work at it?